My Authentic Self - To Be or Not To Be a People Pleaser?

There is a song of Colby Caillat called "Try"; I'm sure that a lot of girls love the message that Caillat shares with us. The song is about how women have to try so hard in order to be attractive and be loved. They have to wear makeup, get their nails done, style their hair, shop without thinking so people will like them. Colby Caillat's shared a meaningful message that we don't have to try so hard to be beautiful or try to change to please anybody, just be ourselves. The message touched my heart, yet I still see her wearing makeup in her following music videos…

I don't remember I've read how many articles and seen how many videos that encourage women to show their natural beauties. I also can’t remember how many cosmetic brands and diet pill advertisement I’ve seen in the last 5 years. I was believing that us, women, we are a typical example of self-defeating. We try so hard to have a nice look and be admired in public. We spend so much money on cosmetics, cloth, shoes, accessories… The reason for all of those expenses is to-be-loved.

For the last couple of week, I’ve learned one lesson that sounds so obvious but I never realized I did wrong: NEVER ASSUME. So I stopped assuming that all women out there want to be love. But I do. I wake up every morning 30 minutes earlier than I’m supposed to to get ready for school and work. I use that half an hour to make sure that I look good before leaving the house. Why? Because I want to look pretty in the others' eyes, I want to make a good impression to everyone I meet. I want people to like me!

Just a funny picture I found online

Am I trying to please the other people’s eyes? Yes. I try to be prettier so people feel comfortable talking to me. I try to have a professional look when I have a presentation so my instructor might give me extra points. I spend more time to get ready if I go out with my boyfriend even though he said he love the way I am, not my cloth or my makeup. I please people to be accepted and to be loved. Is it a bad thing? Am I not being myself? I believe no. Because I know the main reason behind all of my efforts to please the other people is to please myself. If I got a good grade not only because I did well on my presentation but also because I showed the teacher a good spirit through my appearance, I would be the one who is happy, not my classmate. If my boyfriend loved me more and more not only because of who I am but also because I always look pretty, I would be the one who is happy, not my neighbor. As long as my efforts to please others have good result that make me happy, I know that I’m pleasing myself.

Above is just an example I want to share about how I try to please people in appearance. I’ve done a lot of other things that can be defined as pleasing others. I want to please my parents, my friends, and people that I love. Because seeing them happy makes me happy. I believe pleasing others is one of the factor that builds relationships; not by changing from who you are to who people like you to be, but by becoming a better self.

I might be a people pleaser, but I don’t try to be something different than my authentic self – I try to be a better person than who I am.