"Your English Is Very Good!"

I was sticking with French for 16 years before I started learning English and decided to come to the US. Two years and a month ago, I arrived to LAX airport. I was all by myself, nervous, yet excited about my new adventure in this country. I started my internship in hotel management at the front desk of two Best Western hotels up in Bryce Canyon two days after my arrival. From the first day at work, I received a bunch of common questions that people ask a foreigner: Where are you from? Do you have any relative here? Did you study English before you came here? ... And they all ended up with "your English is very good!" I was happy hearing that. Soon after, I feel sick of those questions. 90% of my customers asked me the same thing over and over again; and when it comes to "your English is very good", I raised my eyebrows...

For a while, I was wondering why I feel uncomfortable whenever an English speaker tells me "your English is very good." Why I'm not happy receiving a compliment? 

So at first, I was convincing myself that I know my English is not that good, that's why I feel like I don't deserve that compliment. I started studying English 3 years ago and there are still so many things about English that I don't know. Two years ago when I started receiving that compliment, my English was even horrible. But that feeling I have was not shame of something I'm not entitled to. My feeling was more somewhere in between annoyed and mad. 

Long later, I was working with a girl, her name is McKenna, and she was trying to say something in Vietnamese, just for fun. She sounds like a baby who first learned how to speak, which I mean you understand what the baby says because you know the word, not because the baby pronounce it right. When McKenna finished the sentence, she asked me: "Did I say it right?" I was like: "Oh my goodness you sound like a Vietnamese! I bet you will be very good at learning my language!" Then she asked me again: "Really? Are you serious?" I said with no hesitation: "Yes I am! Whhat you just said in Vietnamese sounded perfect!" Right at that moment, the light bulb went off in my head. I found the answer!

What I did to McKenna was exactly what people have been doing to me whenever I talk to them for the first time. This is a logical thought that, back then, I didn't know how to name it, but I understood it. This is the feeling when you listen to a foreigner who speaks y-o-u-r-l-a-n-g-u-a-g-e. The feeling can be different among people. It can be surprising, interesting, appreciating... etc.; however, it can also be amusing or pitiful.

This is a "non-American" stereotype that I figured out myself. I also have proven it by asking a bunch of my American friends and they all admitted it: Asian/non-American girl in the US => She is a foreigner => English is not her first language + I met a lot of non-American people who live in the US and don't speak English very well => She might not know how to speak English properly.

                                          Here is a fun video that reflects exactly my struggle :)

So... when that non-American stereotype doesn't work because that person you are judging actually know how to speak English well, your first thought will be "Oh her/his English is very good". This is what annoys me. Because I know the "good" that they are talking about is not a good compared to a native English speaker. This is a good compared to the other non native English speaker. I have to admit that there is nothing wrong with that stereotype, and people didn't mean anything other than " oh she speaks good English." But for a very competitive person like me, this is an unacceptable lower level of  good. 

Anyways, let's go back to the feeling when you listen to a foreigner who speaks your language. I knew it was a normal social phenomenon but I coudn't find the right definition and right name for it, until this week when I learned about Perceptual Process. Eureka! I finally found the name for it. When an American talk to me for the first time, the whole process in his/her mind until the point he/she says: "Your English is very good!" is one of a thousand, million, or even billion perceptual processes that a person makes everyday. I seriously feel so relieved finding the answer after two years. 

I've been doing receptionist for a beauty salon for the last 3 months. Every single day, I receive more than 10 "Your English is Very Good!" that still annoys me so much; and I can't do anything with that. However, the competitive me is trying so hard to get out of that low level of good. maybe until the point that people ask me "Were you born here?" I really am trying to reach that goal. :)

My Authentic Self - To Be or Not To Be a People Pleaser?

There is a song of Colby Caillat called "Try"; I'm sure that a lot of girls love the message that Caillat shares with us. The song is about how women have to try so hard in order to be attractive and be loved. They have to wear makeup, get their nails done, style their hair, shop without thinking so people will like them. Colby Caillat's shared a meaningful message that we don't have to try so hard to be beautiful or try to change to please anybody, just be ourselves. The message touched my heart, yet I still see her wearing makeup in her following music videos…

I don't remember I've read how many articles and seen how many videos that encourage women to show their natural beauties. I also can’t remember how many cosmetic brands and diet pill advertisement I’ve seen in the last 5 years. I was believing that us, women, we are a typical example of self-defeating. We try so hard to have a nice look and be admired in public. We spend so much money on cosmetics, cloth, shoes, accessories… The reason for all of those expenses is to-be-loved.

For the last couple of week, I’ve learned one lesson that sounds so obvious but I never realized I did wrong: NEVER ASSUME. So I stopped assuming that all women out there want to be love. But I do. I wake up every morning 30 minutes earlier than I’m supposed to to get ready for school and work. I use that half an hour to make sure that I look good before leaving the house. Why? Because I want to look pretty in the others' eyes, I want to make a good impression to everyone I meet. I want people to like me!

Just a funny picture I found online

Am I trying to please the other people’s eyes? Yes. I try to be prettier so people feel comfortable talking to me. I try to have a professional look when I have a presentation so my instructor might give me extra points. I spend more time to get ready if I go out with my boyfriend even though he said he love the way I am, not my cloth or my makeup. I please people to be accepted and to be loved. Is it a bad thing? Am I not being myself? I believe no. Because I know the main reason behind all of my efforts to please the other people is to please myself. If I got a good grade not only because I did well on my presentation but also because I showed the teacher a good spirit through my appearance, I would be the one who is happy, not my classmate. If my boyfriend loved me more and more not only because of who I am but also because I always look pretty, I would be the one who is happy, not my neighbor. As long as my efforts to please others have good result that make me happy, I know that I’m pleasing myself.

Above is just an example I want to share about how I try to please people in appearance. I’ve done a lot of other things that can be defined as pleasing others. I want to please my parents, my friends, and people that I love. Because seeing them happy makes me happy. I believe pleasing others is one of the factor that builds relationships; not by changing from who you are to who people like you to be, but by becoming a better self.

I might be a people pleaser, but I don’t try to be something different than my authentic self – I try to be a better person than who I am.

Pieces of Me

In our lives, we have met countless people. Some will be our friends for life, some we might see once and never run into them again. However, we all do the same routine, introducing ourselves to each other. I wonder how many people will be willing to introduce their authentic self, which I mean who they really are, what they really think, and also, how they know they would react to everything happens to their lives. Because I believe that when we introduce ourselves to someone, we somehow unintentionally show them who we want to be and what we want people to see in us, not who we really are. This blog really is a good chance for me to sit down and remember everything happened in my life, to know who I used to be and who I am so far. I also hope it's a better way for people to know about me.

During my childhood, I was expected to become a different person than who I truly am. I was born into a typical family in Vietnam in which parents decide their children’s future. My mom and dad, not being an exception, always told me what to do and who I should be. Long story short, I had been being who they wanted me to be until I disappointed them when I failed the university entrance exam. In my country, the university entrance exam is the most competitive test in any student's life. it is consider as a steppingstone to a fortunate future. And I failed. Not because I was not able to pass, but because I didn't want the major that my parents had chosen for me, so I didn't take all of the tests. 18 years old, I started expressing myself in a negative way, I stop listening to my parents, I fought with them over every single thing that I thought it wasn't right for my life. I didn't know what I did hurt the people I love so much. Back then, I wanted to be free. I was childish and stubborn. 

I had so many interests that I couldn't figure out who I really wanted to be. I liked to dance and I did it well, but I didn't like it enough to spend my whole life being a dancer so I quit my dance crew. I liked doing handicraft stuffs but I don't want to use my day just playing with fabrics, sewing machine, papers, or glue. So I closed my small DIY shop after 2 years. I liked taking pictures but I didn't want to be a professional photographer, so I just used my camera whenever I felt like. I loved cooking but I didn't have enough passion to go to culinary school, just because I didn't want to stand all day in the kitchen. I loved traveling but yes I need money to do it. I always felt excited watching news about governments events; I wanted to work with important people of the other countries around the world, so I thought I wanted to be a diplomat. However, after graduated in International Relation at the Diplomatic Academy of Vietnam. I knew politic is not my thing; yet I treasured every knowledge I've learned about the world... At that point of my life, I felt lost. 

My life changed when I started working for an event planner company. I found myself so passionate and happy working for them. I love planning and coordinating. And, believe it or not, all of my knowledge about crafting, photographing, dancing, cooking were so useful in my job. After one year of working, I knew this was the way I wanted to go, but there was still something missing that made me feel uneasy.

I don't remember how it happened but I heard about some people working for an UN event and they did something wrong because of lack of political knowledge. A thought came to my mind, "why not being an even planner for an international organization? That would be perfect for everything I've learned and what I wanted to do. I know French but it is not enough, I need English!!" So I decided to come to the US to get another degree and chase my dream. I quit my family and friends, came all the way to the other side of the globe while all of my friends and classmates were in France, just for a better future and better job opportunities. 

I believe everything happened in our lives for a reason. I found out everything I had done always support the other things I'm doing at some point. And if I had never decided to come to the US and study at Dixie State, I would have never met my boyfriend, the one who loves, understands, and supports me in everything I do, the one that I've been looking for for a long time. I don't know if thing changes tomorrow and my dream job changes, but I feel totally happy with what I have and what I'm trying to do.